Hayley's Speech
I am here to share the story of my brother Eric Hunter Roter who died Sept 25, 2023. This story has been challenging to write, I don’t have all the dates added, but the timeline of these events spans from May to September of this year.
CAUSE OF DEATH
Eric died from Bipolar disorder and a lack of resources.
If - when I called crisis lines they gave me a solution, other than to wait for the police to interfere.
If - when I called the police they had mental health workers to care for him, rather than frequently beating him and leaving him in a cold room.
If - When I called the Lindsay Jail to ensure they were properly caring for his bipolar disorder, they recognized and treated his illness, instead of sticking him in the general population, and not sticking to his medication plan.
If - When all the chaos of Eric’s mental illness brought fear and anger into the lives of his friends and family, they chose to reach out, instead of their lack of understanding causing them to retreat.
If - When I called the hospital, the hour before he died, and I told them he was too depressed to call in himself, but that he needed help, they took action, instead of mandating that Eric would need to call himself if he needed help.
If - Only.
MANIA
My brother was diagnosed with bipolar when he was 19 years old. It shouldn’t be a terminal diagnosis, but with the systems in place for Eric it was.
While on his medication, he went years without a manic episode.
My brother created himself a beautiful life despite this diagnosis the constant battle of symptoms, and the side effects of his medication. Eric ran his own successful property maintenance company, owned his home with his adoring wife, and had a loving supportive family. Think of how he was able to make sacrifices and achieve so much under the fog of his medicine because he knew that this was the way. The way that he and people like him live to be able to sustain healthy relationships and live a life filled with more than just medicine or mania.
Once mania takes hold there is no convincing, there is no help. You can’t reason with a chemical imbalance, and once mania ends all that’s left is the other side of this imbalance - the depression.
You try to reason with this kind of death…but do not forget the human behind it. Eric had severe Bipolar and he took medications for years that caused fogginess, and mild depression among other side effects to just stay ‘level’. He stayed in this state for years before deciding he might be okay to try going off them.
When Eric was visibly manic 10 of Eric’s closest friends and family got together to ask Eric to go to the hospital, we were hoping they would keep him for a few days to level out and get him back on the right medication safely. Reluctantly Eric agreed to go to the hospital. They ended up prescribing him a low dose of the medication he was previously taking, which at this stage did nothing to slow the mania. Eric being released from the hospital and not being admitted fueled his mania and only proved to him that he was not manic and that his family was ‘against him’ by bringing him there. This is one of the many times Eric was failed by the Peterborough Hospital.
There was no follow-up from the hospital after this incident.
DESPERATION
After Eric was not admitted at PRHC his mania was incredibly obvious to those around him. He was behaving erratically, with fast uneven speech and putting himself in life-threatening situations all textbook symptoms of a manic episode.
We made numerous phone calls to the police asking for help, for “wellness checks” to be performed for Eric’s own safety. Nothing was done and we were told on each call there was nothing they could do, this was devastating news to a family who were doing all they could to keep their brother, their son and their husband safe.
Unfortunately in this mania, the constant “wellness checks” being called by a desperate family lead to Eric becoming extremely mistrusting and angry. He needed to get away from us, he then stole my parent's car without a valid driver's licence and took off for Toronto in a mindset that scared us.
He was there for approximately 2 weeks, engaging in risky behaviour and staying in high-end hotels. He was spending all the money he could gain access to draining accounts for their home as his wife scrabbled with banks to restrict his access- for those who aren’t aware excessive spending is a marker of a manic episode.
Our ONLY option was to file a ‘Form 2’ which is incredibly difficult to obtain. The purpose of Form 2 is to allow the police to apprehend and transport the person to a physician for examination, after Form 2 is issued the doctors can keep the patient on Form 1 which allows them to keep the patient in hospital under psychiatric care. We finally had the Toronto Police intervene accompanied by a mental health worker and Eric was met with aggressive behaviour - cuffed and thrown down by the police injuring both of his wrists.
Eric was taken to CAMH where they assessed him and decided to keep him for observation. To our horror, they released him after two nights and did not proceed with Form 1, a shockingly short amount of time for how difficult it was for us to get to this point. Eric in this stage of mania would need weeks of medication to come down from this state.
KORTNEY
She deserves a story of her own.
Kort married Eric knowing he suffered from Bipolar disorder. They were together for 10 years leading up to Eric’s death, they were married in July 2022.
They bought their first home together in 2015, Eric loved this house and vowed he would never move.
Throughout Eric’s life, he experienced three major manic depression episodes, and Kortney and Eric’s relationship spanned over the last two which would be hard on any couple. But I promise you - you have never seen a love like the love Kort had for Eric. As we all fought through each manic episode as a family, the beautiful Kort was there every step of the way and Eric knew how lucky he was to have her and loved her with his whole being. We were all blessed to have this woman who loved my brother the way she did. She accepted his illness and wanted to marry him regardless, she truly loved Eric for all he was and accepted every part of him.
DESTRUCTION
After Eric was released from CAMH being deemed “clearly in a Manic State but not enough of a concern to keep for treatment” we were utterly devastated and worried. We explained and pleaded that if they were to release him to please notify the family or his wife of this change.
We were not notified.
Eric was on the streets of Toronto for another week, unaccounted for by anyone who cared about him. It wasn’t until he injured himself and ran out of money that he was forced to realize that he needed to come home.
Eric at this time was angry and desperate. He didn’t have any more money to spend and since we were the ones that called the police on the Form 1, he was furious with us.
Kort had installed cameras at her home and on her property and was advised to call the police if he showed up, and he did. So Kort did as she was told and called the police to notify them of what was happening.
Eric was there to gather his belongings, but seeing the presence of the police infuriated him. Triggered by his previous encounters with the police and by his family for calling them, Eric acted out. He ended up vandalizing his and Kort’s beloved home where they had built their lives together.
This was devastating to all of us not only because of the destruction but because it truly showed how far Eric was from himself - if he would want to hurt Kort in that way, in the place she felt safe.
Despite the upset and anger that followed this instance, we all pulled together again and started making the calls that Eric needed, calls seeking medical care and looking for resources. Explaining to people that jail time was not the answer. The worst place he could go was jail. If in a few months when Eric was ‘level’ again, that’s how things had to be, then we would have understood…but not now. Now, what Eric needed was treatment and not incarceration.
Eric was sent to the Lindsey Correctional Facility two days later.
INCARCERATION
Navigating the legal system is bewildering and overwhelming.
The Roters and many of Kort’s family arrived at Eric’s bail hearing to show our support and offer clarity - to show that there is more to Eric than what he did and how he hurt us, but that this is not him. That he needs medical help. We stood in solidarity to show that having your family's support isn’t enough, you also need tools and resources in situations like this.
We received so much feedback on what we were doing and how we were fighting for him. From lawyers to courthouse staff/security, they were blown away that so many people had physically shown up to say they loved Eric and that they were there to bring attention to his need for medical treatment.
This was a cry for help directly from us, the people who loved Eric the most and that Eric had hurt the most.
But this made no difference. Eric was taken to jail. The only way we could get him released was to bail him out under someone’s surety who would be responsible for him.
THIS WAS OUR ONLY OPTION
I called the jail constantly in an attempt for him to be sent somewhere else for his mental health needs. We called lawyers, we called facilities and doctors. Although we could take Eric out at any time, Eric was so manic at this time NO ONE would be able to reason with him or safely account for him.
If something happened to him or someone else in this time…that would be their burden to live with. This was a brutal time. Eric would call many times a day begging to be released while we tried tirelessly to get him the help he needed.
Eric was not medicated for the first week he was in jail, and then not given the proper dosage for the rest of his stay. After 30 days my family agreed we would have to handle this on our own if we wanted anything to get better, and so my parents took on Eric under their surety.
TOO LITTLE, TOO LATE
When Eric was released from Lindsey correctional, he was angry, visibly traumatized and still manic. He shared with us that every day he was incarcerated he truly believed someone was coming to get him and this breaks my heart to this day. Although still struggling with the mania, he did have some medication in his system and was ready to get his life back on track. If he was on the correct dose for this length of time, I can’t help but think it could have changed our trajectory.
Eric was out of jail for one weekend and had a follow-up appointment with the Peterborough Hospital.
At this point, we had no faith in the Hospital and Eric was ready to put on a show to convince the doctor that he was not manic. To our absolute shock, they deemed him mentally unwell and kept him for 5 days on a Form 2. Eric was much less manic than the previous times we brought him in so this was infuriating and at the same time a relief. Now he would be assessed and put on the correct medication, but only after all the damage, chaos, jail time, financial impact and the absolute despair of my family and most importantly the damage to Eric’s psyche.
The psych ward is located in the basement of the hospital. Eric hated it and often said he would prefer jail as he was not allowed outside, and the view from his window was nothing but the sight of mounds of gravel. Eric being the generous person he is even in the midst of mania, offered to do some landscaping/clean up outside so the patients at least had something to look at from the confines of their tiny rooms. Even in the lowest point of Eric’s life, when he didn’t have anything to share he wanted to contribute to those around him in the only way he could.
The rooms I’ve mentioned are bare, and small and evidence of previous patients' mental anguish marks the walls. To see the place up close where I so desperately wanted my brother to be to get the help he needed made me sick to my stomach. When Eric was released he was put on injections of his medication, as well as an oral medication. He continued this regulated schedule of his medication consistently until his death. His follow-up appointment with the psychiatrist to assess him and adjust his medication was 6 weeks later. It fell on the Wednesday after his death.
THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
As you have probably figured out by now I was incredibly close with my brother, Eric.
In a previous manic episode, my brother was a Missing Person for three days and it was torture because I was worried about all that could go wrong while he was alone and at times I was sure he was dead. I felt that pain so sharply before and I knew that I would do everything in my power to never feel that way again.
So when Eric came back to us this time my family and I pledged to do all we could to support my brother Eric. My family and I drove Eric to any work he could find and made sure that we spent a lot of time together as a family so that he knew that he was not alone. We went away for the weekend as a family and hosted many family dinners leading up to this tragedy. We had dinner the Saturday before Eric lost his life, at our family property known as “The Reach”, and I could see the pain my brother was in. He could hardly speak, he just kept repeating that he ‘screwed his life up’. I was terrified. I asked the questions that you’re supposed to; I asked if he was suicidal, and he said no. I promised him that I would help him get it all back. I told him I loved him as much as my son and husband - and I promised that I would help him.
This was Saturday.
On Monday I had an appointment booked for Eric with my financial advisor to get a scope of the damage of his manic episode. Eric asked me to attend, as well as my Father. It was a sobering meeting, the debt was not unrecoverable, but please realize my brother’s depression was debilitating by this time.
He would need to get financial assistance, which for a mentally well person would be a hard pill to swallow. In this meeting, I also learned that Eric’s license would continue to be suspended for much longer, despite being cleared by the doctor to regain it weeks earlier.
After the meeting, my dad walked to get something from his car for me. These next moments will be seared into my mind for the rest of my life. I met my brother's gaze and he just stared at me, for so long, and like any sister I asked “What”? He then said he was sorry and that he loved me. At this point, the alarm bells were going off, and I knew something was very wrong. I called Kort, and she said we need to get him to the hospital and I agreed with her wholeheartedly.
I then called the hospital asking for the psych ward. I told them my brother was unable to speak for himself, and needed immediate medical attention. They told me I couldn’t speak for him unless I was with him or he called to give permission. I then asked if there were doctors available for him, and they said all the psychiatrists were fully booked. Being in distress at the time and looking back at the situation, I wish I drilled them more. But that’s not what the issue is here. They should have had the capacity to offer assistance. I then called my dad’s phone to talk to him about getting Eric to the hospital or doctor’s office. Eric answered the phone. I cried as I pleaded for him to let me take him to the hospital or doctor's office. I remember saying I’m just so worried about you. He calmly replied ‘I know.
Trigger warning: suicide.
I’m going to share a few more details that might not be necessary to the story, but I want you to feel the pain and anger of my family
Within the hour my brother had run from my father’s vehicle while my dad was inside a store - he ran to the 115 and waited for a transport truck.
My father looked for my brother for 45 minutes in the parking lot. Refusing to believe the emergency vehicles passing with their wailing sirens had anything to do with why Eric was missing. My husband was the one to call me to tell me that Eric had run into traffic. My mind did not let me think he was already gone, I figured my dad had got to him in time and he would be sitting in the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital I found my father sitting in a small room in the emergency department.
This is the moment my entire world came apart.
I do not think of my brother’s death as suicide. My brother would never do this to me or anyone that he loved. With suicide, you’ll often find people struggling with feelings of guilt or regret. I don’t feel that, but what I do feel is anger. I’m angry that the systems in place did not help my brother once when there were multiple opportunities for intervention. If PRHC, Toronto Police, Peterborough Police, Lindsey Correctional, or the CAMH heard the cries of a loving family or recognized the mental illness consuming my brother - I wouldn’t be standing here. I would be getting ready to celebrate my brother’s 33rd birthday which is tomorrow.
I’m so much more than angry or heartbroken that I lost my brother, I feel fear. Fear for my 2-year-old son if he ever has to face mental health issues, and I cannot fathom the suffering that people experience battling mental health issues alone.
If you’re looking for an answer or recommendation of what I would specifically change, or where my family plans to put the money raised to its most optimal use. I cannot give that to you right now. The problem is too big. Extensive research and interviews will take place before the funds we raise are allocated to any one place.
What I can tell you is that my family and I are forever changed from this nightmare and I will never stop advocating for my brother.
